NYR/OTT Round 2 Game 1 Review: Rangers Need a “My Shiney Hiney” To Pry Their Heads Out of Their Asses, Only Three Players Show Up, Dominating Lundqvist Effort Wasted, Glass > Pavel “Wide-Right” Buchnevich, No Intensity, Ottawa Fans Are A Bigger Joke Than This Game & More

I really own one of these things. It was the best Christmas gag gift I ever got and it proudly sits in my office, just screaming to be used!

What’s up everyone and welcome to another blog here on BlueCollarBlueShirts.com. Tonight, the Rangers dropped the first game of their best of 7 second round series with the Ottawa Senators, losing 2-1. For Ranger fans, this was an ugly loss, because the whole game felt like those end of the season “Hank tune-up” games, where only half the team played. What is more frustrating is the Rangers wasted another stellar performance from Henrik Lundqvist, who has been the Rangers MVP of this postseason. To put the cherry on the top, despite playing like shit, the Rangers lost this game on a fluke goal. In other words, the Rangers looked like dog shit all game, but it took a fluke goal from the Ottawa Senators to win the game.

In case you missed my huge double-blog, with my Ottawa/NYR preview, you can read it here:

THE MASSIVE PURE GLEE DOUBLE BLOG: The Rangers Move to the 2nd Round, The $$$ Stars Shine In Round 1, First Round Report Card, My Electrifying Experience at M$G During Game 6, RANGERSTOWN in NYC, Corsi Garbage, Ticket Scalping, Stubhub, Ottawa On Tap, Let The Brassard vs Z-Bad Debates Begin, Cam Talbot & Much More NHL/Ranger Thoughts & Opinions


With all that said, of course we gotta talk about the important stuff, as I lead off with this:

Do you know how concerned I am about this Rangers loss tonight? Not at all. That’s why I’m talking about MY SHINEY HINEY, which is available for purchase at the appropriately named website, MYSHINEYHINEY.com!

I’m nearly 35 years old. Being in the 18-34 male demographic, many of the TV shows I watch are sports, violent TV dramas or Three Stooges re-runs. Most commercials I see feature pick-up trucks, beer, shaving shit, violent movie trailers, & other grunt-grunt stuff. However, in a first, during tonight’s Rangers/Senators playoff game, a MY SHINEY HINEY commercial ad got significant air time. You can watch the ad by hitting the play button in the video I linked above.

I can’t tell you how hard I was laughing when I saw this. The best part about this product is that I actually own one, because my dad has the same fucked up sense of humor as me (mostly toilet and fart jokes) and got me one of these for Christmas. I’m glad that he sprung for a new one, as I did see a “used” one available on Amazon. If you’re in the market for a used MY SHINEY HINEY, more power to you.

The best part about visiting MY SHINEY HINEY’s website is the following ad description:

My Shiney Hiney delivers a fresh, modern design for the at-home personal hygiene brush and cleansing system exclusively created to clean and condition buttocks worldwide. Go to myshineyhiney.com to place your order now!

In other words, My Shiney Hiney is a product you can use to clean your asshole! I’m still laughing. So much for the ancient ritual of opening up the cheeks in the shower and drip-drying away! My Shiney Hiney has revolutionized the process of cleansing assholes. I wish I could use this on some of the people who write to me on twitter!

For the Rangers, they could’ve used a MY SHINEY HINEY  tonight. (It’s funnier if you always capitalize it and say it in the Paul Heyman “BRAWWWWWWWWWK LESSSSSSSSNARRRRRRRR” voice.)

The Rangers had their heads up their asses all night and looked like they needed a good cleansing. Outside of the stalwarts of Lundqvist, McDonagh and Girardi, the team looked like it could use a good anal bleaching. Speaking of assholes, how about those “die-hard Senator” fans tonight?

These are the FACE VALUE (Mad Magazine “CHEAP!” plug here) seats available for the game, 20 minutes before game time. If you don’t know, the blue dots are the available seats.
On the resale market, you could’ve went to this game for $30.

Leave it to the fans of the Ottawa Senators to debunk the myth of all Canadian markets are hockey hot-beds. Prior to the game, there were over 1000+ seats available for purchase and at rock bottom prices. For $30, you could’ve went to this game. For $30 at M$G, you could get two swigs of beer and just a hot dog bun.

I got work very early tomorrow and was up very late last night watching the Oilers game. I will do my research for my Game 2 blog, as I don’t have the time now, but I gotta know – “WHAT THE FUCK OTTAWA?”

I can’t believe a playoff team, a team in the capital of the Canada, a city that has a rich history of hockey, would have so much trouble selling out. I thought M$G was bad, but this Senator’s crowd made the crowd at M$G on Easter Sunday look like a Slipknot concert. Senator fans – shame on you.

Maybe the Toronto run, the other Ontario team you may have heard of, took some wind out of the sails of the Senator’s, I really don’t know. I just can’t believe that a Canadian team, which is having a great season, can’t sell out a playoff game. Was there a big curling match in town or something? Just unbelievable.

While Brassard vs Zibanejad got a lot of ink, the Lundqvist vs Anderson match-up dominated this game. Photo Credit: NHL.com

If you’re looking for the short story, here it is: this was a goalie clinic game, a game the Rangers lost because they played like crap.

Lundqvist vs Anderson lived to the billing tonight. In fact, check out these incredible stats:

Goaltending Summary

New York Rangers Goaltending

Player SA GA Saves SV% TOI PIM
H. Lundqvist 43 2 41 .953 58:14 0

Ottawa Senators Goaltending

Player SA GA Saves SV% TOI PIM
C. Anderson 35 1 34 .971 60:00 0

The Rangers, who just looked as lifeless as the Ottawa crowd, couldn’t get much going. I don’t want to even say Ottawa stopped them, as the Rangers looked like their own worst enemy tonight. A fluke goal from Erik Karlsson, late into the third period, was the difference maker.

This was really a rough game for Lundqvist, who made highlight reel save after highlight reel save, but it was a fluke shot from behind the goal line, from about 30 feet away, that won the game. Story of Hank’s career since the big money contract. Either he flat out stinks, or has these amazing games with one “but”. Hank was amazing tonight, “but” a fluke shot went in. That said, you can’t blame Hank for this loss, because if he doesn’t make hall of fame saves throughout the contest, this isn’t even a one goal game.

While Lundqvist is getting all the headlines this post season, McDonagh and Girardi have been great as well.

When you look at this game, you feel bad for the “old-timers” on this team. Lundqvist, McDonagh and Girardi did their jobs, everyone else, not so much. I really feel these three realize that this may be the “last best chance” of their careers for a Cup, and they’ve shown that on the ice.

If you want to do the blame game, there are many candidates to choose from, such as:

  • Derek Stepan- are you going to show up in these playoffs? A first line center making top dollar for little-to-none production.
  • Chris Kreider- you do know the playoffs started two-and-half weeks ago right? Do you need a personal invitation?
  • Marc Staal – just retire. I remember how great you used to be, but you haven’t been the same since the injury. Always a liability.
  • Kevin Hayes – what happened to the Kevin Hayes of the regular season?
  • JT Miller – where, oh where, has our fan-favorite JT Miller gone to?
  • Michael Grabner – you realize you’re wearing Rangers blue, not Toronto blue? So many missed chances.

Listen, I’m not trying to shit on these guys, but let’s call a spade a spade – these guys & many others, simply did not show up tonight. I’m also sick of this Pavel Buchnevich shit. All I hear about is how “skilled” he is. Listen, I haven’t been on a rink in nearly 20 years, but I believe I can shoot wide on every net too. I may even hit one!

Tanner Glass has more playoff goals in less games played than the “SKILLED” Pavel Buchnevich

I get it. Pavel Buchenvich has the makings of a good, maybe a great hockey player – one day. That day is just not now. I understand he is more “skilled” than Tanner Glass. However, he does not bring what Tanner Glass brings to this team. To be fair, I could say the same stuff about Kreider and Stepan right now, but for argument’s sake, for that 12th forward spot, it’s going to be  Glass or Buchnevich.

A game like this needed Tanner Glass. I know, I know, I’m starting to become the Tanner Glass guy, just like I am the Cam Talbot guy. However, Tanner Glass brings so much to this team that is missed when he’s not out there. Shit, while Tanner’s GWG in the first game of these playoffs was just as fluky as Karlsson’s goal tonight, I really feel the Rangers don’t drop this game tonight with Glass in the line-up.

I’m not going to cite examples or give you the million videos of Buchnevich always coming up a day late and a dollar short. Simply put, yes, he is a good hockey player, but he just doesn’t finish. Porn stars finish better than the commie. How many times does he come so close, but yet miss so far? I get why he plays, so don’t think I’m just crapping on him.

That said, Tanner Glass should be in the line-up for game 2. In a game where the intensity on the ice matched the dead-as-a-fart-in-church Ottawa crowd, I don’t think that happens with Glass out there. It’s just one of his intangibles. The guy brings fire every time he’s out there. You can say that Glass is in a contract year, is a grizzled vet, realizes this may be one of his last true chances at a Cup, a natural born leader or whatever, bottom line is that Tanner Glass always brings it.

With the Rangers having as much life as Joe Michletti’s blow-up dolls, I really feel that Glass would’ve inflated this team and the team would’ve fed off his energy. With him out there, he would boost his teammates and that fourth line, that’s been amazing all playoffs, maybe gets a goal or two. I get why Pavel plays, but at this stage of the game, you need to finish. Anything less can cost you a game, and it did tonight.

Keep in mind, this loss isn’t because Pavel can’t hit an open net if Putin threatened to kill his family. This was a team-wide loss, outside of the three top defenders, in 5, 27 and 30.

I’ve always been an AV guy and don’t go after him like other Ranger fans do. I realize AV is with this team every day and knows stuff about this team that we never will. That said, I know AV is a Tanner Glass guy too and I hope after a loss like this, he deploys him on the ice.

I’m going long and I got an early train tomorrow, so let’s get to the box score and blow through the rest of this blog. As always, the box score comes from ESPN.com:

1st Period Summary

Time Team Scoring Detail NYR OTT
No scoring this period 0 0
Time Team Penalty Detail
Kevin Hayes: 2 Minutes for Slashing Derick Brassard
2 Minute Bench Penalty for Too Many Men on the Ice (Served by J.T. Miller)
2 Minute Bench Penalty for Too Many Men on the Ice (Served by Clarke MacArthur)
Brady Skjei: 2 Minutes for Hooking Viktor Stalberg

2nd Period Summary

Time Team Scoring Detail NYR OTT
Ryan McDonagh (1) (Power Play)
Assists: Pavel Buchnevich, Mats Zuccarello
1 0
Ryan Dzingel (1) (Power Play)
Assists: Alex Burrows, Kyle Turris
1 1
Time Team Penalty Detail
Jean-Gabriel Pageau: 2 Minutes for High-sticking Dan Girardi
Cody Ceci: 2 Minutes for Tripping Michael Grabner
Brady Skjei: 2 Minutes for Holding Ryan Dzingel

3rd Period Summary

Time Team Scoring Detail NYR OTT
Erik Karlsson (1)
Assists: Mike Hoffman, Marc Methot
1 2
Time Team Penalty Detail
Tommy Wingels: 2 Minutes for Tripping J.T. Miller

Team Statistical Comparison

Key:  NY Rangers   Ottawa
Total Shots
Faceoffs Won

Power Play Summary

Team PPG / PPO
New York Rangers 1 of 4
Ottawa 1 of 4
Maybe Crosby and Karlsson are exchanging trade secrets on how to score on Hank. Hint: shoot from behind the goal line and at his back.

After a physically grueling series with Montreal, the Rangers went into this game thinking that they could out-skill Ottawa. If they had any fire, it may have worked. For as much talk about Guy Boucher’s trap, the Rangers had many open looks at goalie Craig Anderson. The trap didn’t beat the Rangers, the Rangers lack of effort beat the Rangers. Whether it was the lay off or whatever, the Rangers were treating this like a regular season game, on the second end of a back-to-back.

There was hitting, but it was nothing like the Montreal series. Ottawa wasn’t scared of the “Black and Blueshirts” from round one, as they had a field day skating into the Rangers defensive zone and teeing off on Lundqvist like they were Tiger Woods in his prime. The Rangers had these long defensive shifts in this game, where they could not get a clear or a shift change. In two of the cases, these plays went for Ottawa goals and in another, it made AV take a rare second period timeout. These were not the Rangers of round one.

The first period was the Henrik Lundqvist show. Even after losing his stick, yet again, Lundqvist rebounded and dominated the first period, recording 21 saves in the first period alone. You guys know I hate Hank’s contract, but I can’t deny – he was the player of the game for the Rangers.

It was just a highlight reel first period, which means the Rangers defense was crap. The Rangers offense didn’t help matters as they had trouble with the puck jumping the blue line, while on the attack. The biggest play of the first period saw Mark Stone, on an Ottawa PP, shoot right at Lundqvist, as Lundqvist dove. If Stone lifted the puck an inch higher, it’s a PPG. Instead, Hank stopped Ottawa and killed some momentum.

To be fair, Anderson was equally as solid, stopping several near Ranger goals, especially stoning Grabner on a breakaway. Both goalies would be tested with numerous one-on-one chances and in each event, they would turn down the opposition.

After a series where the refs kept their whistle in their back pocket in the first period, the Rangers were banged for three penalties. NYR were lucky that these penalties didn’t cost them early.

By the end of the game, each team would finish 1-4 on the PP, with some abbreviated PP times mixed into that. The Rangers PP wasn’t as bad as it has been, but the team definitely blew some chances. The Rangers have gotten away a bit from crashing the net, especially with Rick Nash.

After 1 period, it was a 0-0 deadlock, with Ottawa bringing the fight.

“Where the fuck are you guys?”

The second period looked promising for the Rangers, as Lundqvist kept up the good work. Grabner would blow another opportunity in front of Anderson. Credit to Anderson though.

After Cody Ceci got banged for tripping, Ryan McDonagh would score the Rangers lone PP goal, after a blast from the point. 1-0 Rangers, with a little more than half of regulation remaining. This was a huge goal, because Ottawa was all over NYR, yet it was NYR with the lead.

However, the Rangers inability to clear the puck and bring the ruthless aggression would rear its ugly head into this period. First, AV was forced to take a timeout, which NYR could’ve used later in the third period. Up next was Brady Skjei getting beat yet again, and forced to take his second penalty of the game. On the ensuing Ottawa PP, the Rangers couldn’t clear. I had friends over my house for this game, and I kept saying “WATCH 7/Turris!” Turris was all alone during the entire Ottawa PP, akin to Ovechkin being alone at the circle on a Capitals PP.

With Turris “ALLLLLL BY MYYYYYSEEEEEELLLLLLF”, he finally got the puck and ripped a shot faster than a Taco Bell fart. Alex Burrows recovered and boom, there was Ryan Dzingel to slam it home, late into the second period to make it a 1-1 game going into the second intermission. Nothing Lundqvist could’ve done about this one, as the Rangers looked like Hector Salamanca (Breaking Bad, Season 4) out there.

Something my friends also commented on, which I later saw on Twitter, was how bad the ice was. It wasn’t great, but you can’t blame the surface on tonight’s shit-show.

Bobby Ryan didn’t score tonight, but he gave the Rangers fits.

After reading this story on Bobby Ryan, I got a new found respect for the guy. However, in the third period, I didn’t respect how he easily moved through three Rangers, as the Rangers looked like Easter Island statues while watching him breeze by. There was simply a lack of effort and desire from the Rangers tonight.

I realize the Rangers were the the best scoring third period team in the NHL regular season, but at the same time, I get that this is the playoffs and the teams are better. Still, I was hoping the Rangers would pull some third period magic out of their ass. I guess they didn’t use their MY SHINEY HINEY (Callback!) tonight.

The Rangers 5 vs 5 game with the Senators looked awful and it felt like it was only a matter of time before the Senators would score the inevitable game winner. Buch would continue to shoot wide, as people from their parent’s basements screamed about his Corsi. (Callback to my last blog!)

The game winner was disgusting. Watch it yourself:


This was kind of like the Crosby goal on Lundqvist, from the regular season, when Crosby hit the back of Hank’s cage and the puck went in the net. This is just the goal of a pure skilled shooter, you know the stuff everyone says Pavel Buchnevich can do.

The killer – Lundqvist was playing phenomenal, yet this is what goes in. Again, if the Rangers showed up, the game doesn’t come down to this, but it did and now the Rangers are in a 0-1 series hole. That said, the Rangers have always been resilient and usually play better with a chip on their shoulder.

This Karlsson goal came late in the game. The Rangers would eventually pull Hank and get a break when Tommy Wingels tripped JT Miller. The Rangers had about 40 or so seconds of a 6 vs 4, but couldn’t handle the puck or put a quality attempt at the net, which basically sums up their powerplay. The 2-1 score held and that was that.

The Rangers sure had their hiney’s invaded and evaded by the Senators offense all night.

You can do the finger pointing game after a game like this. You could go after Kreider, Staal, Miller, Hayes, Stepan, whoever, it doesn’t matter. However, take consolation in this – the Rangers played like shit and it took a fluke goal to beat them tonight. Ottawa, who rang in over 40+ shots on Lundqvist, won by one fluke goal. Keep that in mind.

This is a team that has been known for its ability to rebound and forget losses like this. All you gotta do is look at Game 3 vs Montreal for a recent example.

I still say NYR in 5!

While I can see the concern in RANGERSTOWN and people jumping of buildings, I’m not as phased. I think this team rebounds and wins the next four. I’ve been wrong before, but I don’t think this Rangers team is done, not by a long shot, especially if Hank, Girardi and McDonagh continue to shine.

Put it this way – what was more concerning, being down 2-1 to Montreal or being down 0-1 to this Ottawa team? I don’t care if you want to say I’m selling Ottawa short because I am. The Rangers are the better team and the cream will rise to the top.

Couple of quick parting shots, as I’m pressed for time:

  • Congrats to Cam Talbot and the Oilers. Three more wins from a WCF berth.
  • I don’t see how the Caps beat the Pens at all.
  • I missed the MSG pregame show and the MSG Networks tonight. Just not the same. I would rather take Micheletti if it means we get Vally, Dugay, Pidto and Rosen.
  • As I proof-read this blog, I forgot to mention – AV used the same lines/D-pairs as Games 5 & 6 of the first round.
  • Kenny Albert is the iron man of hockey.

I gotta work Saturday and I’m hoping to jet out a few minutes early so I can catch the game in the friendly confines of a NYC bar. I probably won’t have a blog up until Sunday morning to recap Game 2.

Until then, don’t panic and as always…


Sean McCaffrey


@NYCTHEMIC on tweeter.

PS: Please, stop tagging me in the Raanta vs Hank shit. Just because Hank has a great game doesn’t mean Raanta couldn’t have a better game either. No one knows. I will always stand by that Hank is overpaid, and if you don’t agree, so be it. Doesn’t take away from Raanta’s season or what Talbot is doing this season. LGR.

PPS: Notice how I didn’t mention Brassard tonight? I was just sick of hearing all the Brassard vs Zibanejad shit!

PPPS: Expect Nash and Zucc to have a presence in Game 2.

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1 thought on “NYR/OTT Round 2 Game 1 Review: Rangers Need a “My Shiney Hiney” To Pry Their Heads Out of Their Asses, Only Three Players Show Up, Dominating Lundqvist Effort Wasted, Glass > Pavel “Wide-Right” Buchnevich, No Intensity, Ottawa Fans Are A Bigger Joke Than This Game & More

  1. Stepan showed up. He scored late last n the 3rd. Abslolutwly no urgency especially with 2 minutes left. Hate to be picky but how about not trying to thread a needle with every pass and just shoot the dam puck. Maybe it goes off a stick, a body, a crossbar, a five hole, something freaky might happen. Ask Karlsson. In he last 2 min of a Hockey game there is no perfect pass. Only perfect shots on goal. You can’t score on a pass!!!
    And Shiny Hiney had som competition on the Pens Cap game from American Standard No
    Spatter toilet. Starts with the old man splattering himself with a ketchup bottle and you can imagine the rest.
    If fact watching that ad would have helped the Rangers. If they would have thrown ennogh shit against the net something would have stuck. Let’s show up boy Sat and take ice ice back to MSG. We’re better than we showed yesterday.

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