Sons Of Asinine: Time For Mayhem On This Series!

SAMCRO: Sons of Anarchy Motorcycle Club Redwood Original

Outside of sports, I’m also addicted to TV. We are living in the Golden Age of TV. Originally ushered in by shows like “Oz”, “Homicide” and “The Shield”, the Golden Age of quality cable dramas on TV has included “The Sopranos”, “The Wire”, “Breaking Bad”, “Dexter”, “Homeland”, “The Walking Dead”, “Justified”, “Deadwood”, “Game of Thrones” and many other favorites. One of these favorite shows for people is Kurt Sutter’s Sons of Anarchy.

Sutter, who cut his teeth with “The Shield”, has created a fictional series about a motorcycle gang and their daily trials and tribulations. Sutter likes to tell people it’s based off Shakespeare’s “Hamlet”, but that’s just a diversion tactic to make it seem what he has here is a work of art, where it’s nothing else but an over-dramatized cartoon western.  Don’t get me wrong, at one point I enjoyed this show tremendously, but now, it’s just a parody of itself, despite how serious it tries to take itself.

I got hooked on Sons of Anarchy through DVDs. I caught seasons one and two on DVD and caught up in real-time during Season 3 through On-Demand. I enjoyed the actors, the fresh stories and the writing. As time went on, the freshness of the show got stale real quick.  There are so many things that drive me nuts about this show. Now here, in no particular order, is why I think this show should go to a vote for Mayhem at the table, and be put out of its misery before the finale even has a chance to air.


– Jax Teller is the stupidest person on TV. From not figuring out Clay killed his father to not figuring out his mother killed his wife, Jax is the dumbest person on TV. He makes Forest Gump look like Einstein. Walter White, Jax Teller is not. Jax lacks brain power or the ability to see what is going on around him.

– How many times do we have to hear Jax say the word “family”? How many times do we have to have scenes of Jax smoking and staring into space? If you took a shot of your favorite booze every time Jax said “family” or stared off into the distance, you would be in the hospital with an IV hooked up to you before the first commercial break.

– And why at this point does anyone want to be a member of SAMCRO? All you do is get shot at all day, make no money, lose everyone you love and never get a chance to take a shit in peace. What is the benefit of joining this leather fraternity?

– The cartoon violence is so unbelievable. It’s worse than a spaghetti western movie. HOW MANY FUCKING TOWNS DO YOU KNOW WHERE THERE ARE 834838438348834 GUN FIGHTS A DAY AND NOTHING EVER HAPPENS AS A RESULT? The Land of Oz was more believable than Charming, California.

– The way this show harps on buzzwords like “the black”, “the chinks”, “the brown”, “the nazis”, “the irish” etc, who talks like this? Is this 1960 or so? California is a liberal state. Nobody talks like this at all. And why do all these nationalities need 384384383848 guns anyway? It’s not like anyone ever kills anyone in these billion gun fights a day.

– Katey Sagal singing every damn episode. It’s great that the former Peg Bundy is married to writer/director/creator Kurt Sutter, but hearing her butcher some famous song week after week is more torturous than Otto’s tenure on the program. (Sutter’s character on the show).

– Why do we need 8438438 montages a show? Leave the montages to Rocky IV. It’s hilarious and it seems like a forced way to sell songs for the SOA album. At one point in the series, it felt organic and right, now you can call them coming from a mile away.

Carmelo Anthony has even had a cameo on SOA. That guarantees this show will never win a championship or Emmy!

– If Jax is all about his “family”, how come he cheated on his wife repeatedly and never sees his sons? The whole killing his stepfather thing while his mother greased his wife is part of Sutter thinking he’s Shakespeare, but it really just cements Jax as a dumbass.

– Why do these episodes have to be 90 minutes long? Every episode ends with a cliffhanger, then the next week, the ignore what happened and just kill time with filler until it’s time for another cliffhanger. There is no reason these clunky episodes have to be 90 minutes long at all.

– It’s just too over-the-top. School shootings, rape, kidnapping, drug dealing and murder. And that’s just Monday. Oh and none of these crimes are ever solved either. Amazing.

– No regard for human life. Just because the writers are lazy and can’t think of anything to do with a minor character after their use, doesn’t mean they should just kill them off. How many people will be dead and buried by SAMCRO for no reason or legal ramifications at all?

– How people just conveniently forget the past. So Adrianna from Sopranos is a junkie who Peg Bundy tried to kill time and time again. But now they are best friends. What?

– Why can’t the police do anything? Why do they need the MC to police the town? The MC at this point is only like 5 people anyway. Just lock them all up and throw away the key. Detroit, Ebola and deep dark black Africa has safer streets than Charming.

– Dated views. Unless you’re married to a SAMCRO member or the mother of someone in the club, you’re basically just viewed as a hooker or a piece of pussy. Is this 2014 California or some low life Isis middle east country?
The cast, sometime before season 5 and when the show was watchable

– And perhaps the biggest reason, what is the point? We knew why Walter White had to cook meth in Breaking Bad. We understood Tony Soprano. We knew what drove Vic Mackey. We know what makes Raylon Givens tick. But here, why would anyone want to live in this world? Wouldn’t it be easier to work a normal 9-5, enjoy your bullet-free day and live with the real world? What is the whole point of the MC? They don’t make money and your life is in extreme danger every day. There is no benefit of being a member unless you get a hard-on whenever you hear the word “family” being uttered.

Listen, I’m still watching the show. I’m here to the end. However, each episode gets more painful to struggle and sit through. Sometimes I just try to remember that it’s fiction and over-the-top. Then I’ll do Sutter do an interview where he pretends he’s a genius and SOA is more than just bikers, guns and drugs. The thing is, it’s not. That’s all it is. None of what Sutter is writing applies nor is realistic. 

I can’t wait until this show finishes it’s #Finalwhimper to the finish line mainly because when this show is mercifully over, JUSTIFIED returns to FX in the Tuesday 10PM timeslot. Until then, I’ll be debating what’s more authentic, Sons of Anarchy’s world or the Walking Dead’s world. Who knows, maybe ebola started the Walker apocalypse? 

Sean McCaffrey
@NYCTheMic in Twitterland

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